Sooner or later, we all lose someone that we love: a spouse, a child, a parent, a relative, or a close friend. It does not matter whether it is through a separation, divorce, a move to another city, or through death. The loss is still profound and excruciatingly painful. We find ourselves on a roller coaster ride of emotions, from shock, to numbness, sadness, uncontrollable crying, and often depression.

• We become angered by our loss of control over our life.
• We become angered by people who set time limits on how long we “should” grieve.
• We become angered by people who give us useless advice, like “Get on with your life.”
• We become angered by people who quote us insensitive clichés like “I know how you feel…”
• Often, we even become angry at the person for leaving us – if we can move beyond the pain.

Loss of a Spouse

The loss of a spouse is especially traumatic. In addition to the severe emotional shock, the loss may cause a potential
financial crisis if the spouse was the family’s main income source. The loss may require a major social adjustment,
possibly moving into a smaller home, apartment or neighbourhood, perhaps require a return to the workforce, and
more. If you have children, you suddenly face the challenge of being a single parent.

Reactions to Grief

Many people cope with loss by becoming “busy”, usually at work or through other means, including signing up for
courses, volunteering and taking on other tasks. Anything to “fill the void.” Loss that goes unacknowledged or
unattended will, sooner or later, come out in ways we cannot control: bursting into tears over relatively minor things,
being very irritable, over-reacting to others in a negative way. This is called “delayed grief reaction.” Grief that is
expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich life. there is no right or
wrong way to grieve and there is no timeframe on how long it takes to get back on your feet after a loss.

Sometimes people sink deeper and deeper into the black hole of depression and are not able to resume their lives
without help. Sometimes one is barely able to “hold on” and function – yet there may be the additional stress and
complication of children who are also hurting because a parent, sibling or grandparent is gone. Sometimes it is all too
much to cope with by yourself.

I will gently comfort you, listen, and give you a safe place to be. When it is time, I will gently encourage you. At times I
will lift you and support you, and push you back up if you start to slide back down into the black pit of darkness. If you
are not ready to move in any direction, we will do nothing but stop and relax and stay in our safe place.